Magic Hour

Friday night I had a work party. I helped organize it, alot of people came, ate, played and a good deal of fun was had. I came home and cried myself to sleep.

There were a number of people there who I haven't seen in years and who no longer speak to me because of something that happened at the beginning of my relationship with The Boy.. The X-Boy. The person we hurt the most and I have begun speaking again. Of course we don't talk about what happened, or even acknowledge it. What I would say and have said to her is I am sorry. I am sorry she was hurt and that I caused that hurt. I am sorry we were careless with her feelings. It doesn't matter if we were in the right or not it matters that we hurt her.

Now that I look back on it we caused pain for what? The X-Boy and I didn't even make it. We were stupid, selfish and caught up in our own hubris.

Being at the party made me realize just how much I miss him. Seeing all those people brought a flood of memories. I feel awful without him. As much as he hurt me I still love him. And I'm sad without him.
-Chel